I am not an authority in terms of spirituality. I only started on this path in an intensive and systematic way in 2014, one year after my son was born. Since then I have learned a lot, I have tried many things and techniques, I went to many people to ask advise or support or therapy. I am aware there is still so much to learn, to experience and to heal.

What changed for me since 2014 is that I understand more how my past and traumas affected me on long term. I had to accept those facets of me that I did not like and to put back the fragments split because of trauma and wounding. And more I work on myself more I am able to see and understand the mechanisms and wounding of other people. As they sometimes mirror what I also carry inside…while I might also trigger for them some important process.

One thing that became obvious to me in these past 2 years (overlapping the situation of humanity because of the pandemic), when I went into deeper layers of this healing and self-discovery process, is that I cannot hide anymore what I think and feel. That I have to be honest with myself and also with the others. And it feels almost compelling and a real quest to be this way, as I see that the world needs this kind of truth to be spoken.

It is the kind of truth that many do not wish to face or hear. It is much more comfortable to live in a complete illusion, lies and finding excuses for not doing the real work. It can be comfortable to even live in disconnection…until one day when everything starts to crash down.

For many years I used to think that I should save the world and I was paying attention to people and situations where I could bring comfort or support. I still offer my support but this time I am much more aware of my energy and value of my time and knowledge. And I try to avoid over-giving and indulging in the thought that others will not make it without my help.
When I look around me I also see people who proclaim themselves as saviours, masters, gurus, healers, guides and so on…and I understand where this is coming from. Because I am able to see myself as I was some time ago…trying to figure out a way to not face my pain, my anger, my struggle and the source of them all.

It is called disconnection, fragmentation and trauma survival modes or mechanisms. We create them to protect ourselves from the hurt and the big pain we carry inside.

We invent a personality, a mission, a mask to protect us. But on long term it does not lead to anything useful. On the contrary, if we master our survival mechanism we become so good in finding ways to reach the top, to be seen and appreciated at wide world scale. It is actually what many people in charge in relevant positions (including state presidents) did. They managed to get to the top driven by ambition and need to overcome their own struggles. But their own shadows and pain played out to the point to create a false mission and necessity, to make them believe that they are so important and needed that the world would not exist or thrive without their own contribution. Probably the lack of love and attention from their own mother or parents played out in this. So they could search and find outside what they missed in a very young age…

This is the truth also about the spiritual bypass and gaslighting. People invent theories and techniques to disconnect and then they sell them to the others as the ultimate solution for their own problems and quests and inner struggles. People invent and develop healing methods and holistic approaches, courses and workshops or conferences for ascension and connection with outer realms, astral projections and travelling, karmic cutting of cords and so on…and it is ok to see how creative the human mind is, these tools and courses also have their own purposes. They are part of the collective need to search and find the truth and meaning of Life and Death. They actually bring forward collective imagination and archetypes in new interpretations and approaches.

After 7 years of work on myself and intense experimentation in this realm of spirituality and therapy I can only say this:
I prefer to speak about trauma and not so much about karma – because I live in the here and now, and I acknowledge what the ancestors gave to me in terms of baggage and wounding as a source of learning – past lives is a nice term but cannot be proved as fully reliable and not even necessary to speak about as long as there is so much I experienced in this life and I am not still aware of it;

I retain and believe in Soul retrieval but the process is the reverse of fragmentation and split that trauma generated in my body and psyche;

I like to journey and travel to different dimensions (in shamanism we speak about 3 worlds of altered states of consciousness) when I meditate or do some practice supported by plant medicine and I recognize the value of these practices- but I am also fully aware that after that I need to ground myself and get back to my body and energy as part of the present moment, knowing that all the dimensions (from 3D to 11th or other…) are present inside myself and not somewhere out there;

I believe in the connection with Nature and elements or animals and plants, as part of a Whole reality – when I connect with all this I feel home and I feel supported and relating to all that is also inside. I actually learned that through this connection with Mother Earth and Nature we can discover parts of us that we did not know before and even skills and talents to serve to inner growth and healing.

So, to sum up, all this is about how connected I am or able to be to Myself (meaning my body, my heart, my womb, my intuition, my energy field and my psyche), to what I carry inside in every moment of my life. And to be truly connected requires a lot of self-awareness and courage to face the truth and not run away at the first difficulty or struggle. It means to have the courage to honestly say what you think even you know will bring distance from others and judgmental attitudes.

Today I ask you: do you know yourself enough to be able to speak your Truth and not fear what others will say or do?
Learn to connect with your inner world and let aside the doubts and fears to see the truth you carry inside. Do not search for it outside, do not invent excuses to run away from it or to borough others truths just because you want to be part of something bigger and recognized as such.

Find that kind of truth that will crack you open to let the inner light get through and shine! Because it is in the darkness you carry inside that the truth can be exposed and brought forward as a guiding light in your life.

And so it is…